by Leslee Hughes, Body Mind Psychotherapist, Sydney, New South Wales
Committed relationships are a playground to explore the depths of intimacy, love and passion. Each challenge, argument, difference gives you an opportunity to open to a deeper level. A challenge yes a defeat NO. It is easy to blame our partners when the going gets tough – can you accept the imperfection in your partner, have you started to judge and criticize, this is the quickest way for your partner to shut down and withdraw, then what happens to you in that moment, do you then feel abandoned or self righteous and shut down yourself.
We then have a standoff and a power struggle, take a risk to look inside yourself for at least 50% responsibility for the problems in your relationship, see how you blame, judge or project your own dissatisfaction onto your partner and want them to fix it, but can they, only you can change your own reality and this will take you out of victimhood and into empowerment.
Dare yourself to face your pain and to share this with your partner, taking responsibility for your feelings, not blaming and seek help from a therapist/ counsellor to work through your blocks. We have blind spots that we can’t or won’t see.
Remember to nurture yourself on a body, heart, mind and soul level. Take time to create rituals, exercise, meditate, relax, have fun and mix with positive people, this helps create a good platform from which to dive into and enjoy a passionate, fulfilling and flowing life.
This is a prerequisite of being able to love the self and from this whole place- you can then more freely and honestly love another, not demand for them to love you, when you don’t love yourself.
You will always be 2 very unique people coming together from different families and beliefs, from this place you are both a mystery and you need to come together honouring and respecting the individuality of each other. Do not underestimate either of your potential, as we are like a good wine maturing and evolving all the way through life.
Give some space and positive intention for each of you to evolve into all that you can be.
Stay in truth with your feelings, let vulnerability be OK and be prepared at all times to look for any hidden negativity, this is the greatest disease in any relationship.
As you take these steps and face your truth the flame between you now has the space to ignite, it may not be like the early honeymoon phase that has seemingly endless passion and agreements in everything, this next step is more real, in truth and with a deeper connection to your core, this is where the true magic can happen.
Leslee Hughes is an experienced Body Mind Psychotherapist who works in Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.
Tel: 02 43893105
Mobile: 0407 934499
Website: www.lesleehughes.com.auCopyright 2015 Richard Boyd