April 2011 Newsletter

April 2011 Events

This month we are hosting the following events - (click on the green underlined wording for more detailed information on related website pages.)

Body Mind Seminar on “How Oedipal and Narcissistic Issues from Childhood Impact our Adult Life” Monday April 18
Free Body Mind Science Introductory Talk Wednesday April 20
Body Reading Fundamentals Workshop April 30 and May 1

Please feel free to contact us if you wish to enquire or book in for any of the above events. Please note it is necessary to RSVP to our talk and seminar as numbers may be limited.

Now on Facebook and Twitter

We are emailing you to invite you onto our new IBMP Integrative Body Mind Psychotherapy Facebook and Twitter pages. You can check out our Facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/ibmpaustralia and our Twitter here: http://twitter.com/ibmpaustralia Every week, we do a couple of posts related to Body Mind science and related concepts, announcing an upcoming event etc. We encourage and welcome you to become a fan and keep updated with our informative postings.

Easter Message

April is the month of seasonal change and of the celebration of Easter.  Both these speak of the cycle of death and renewal and how we must all face a death of our old selves before a new self can emerge.  As I walk through my neighbourhood I see the autumnal colours of brown and yellow showing their face as underfoot the crisp dry leaves crunch to announce the changing face of nature.

The ability to embrace change as a natural part of life is a challenge for some people.  Society is now considered to be facing the fastest pace of change as compared to any time in our history.  Our human evolution did not prepare us well to adapt at the frenetic pace now demanded of adults and this rapid pace of change is best seen both in work and technology environments.  The only real constant in life is change.  Our ability to flow with change predicates a large part of how we will adapt and cope, and so whether we will find happiness or suffering in our lives.

The need to control and to have stability is a natural principle that is always being opposed by the creative disruption of change, death and rebirth.  For some there is a need to be in control and to force rigidity and stability over what are fluid and uncontrollable dynamics or objects.  Such people do not trust life, others and even themselves.

I find that an ever increasing number of people have developed defences against the flow of life and the natural cycle of change in life, by reverting to self-control (perfectionism), and also by investing their energies in attempting to control others and outside environments (Control freaks).  Their efforts require constant attention and energy and result in stress, anxiety and disappointment as a way of being in life.

The need for control has fear at its roots.  Normally there is a fear of being out of control as that would expose that person to some imagined consequence or punishment.  There develops over time an onset of the fear of fear itself, which taken together cripples such a person with procrastination, hyper-vigilance, paranoia, and a conservative and essentially negative outlook on life.

These people did not learn how to open up to the mystery of flowing in the world and how letting go opens up a much larger set of potentialities and possibilities that are beyond their controlling realities or mind to imagine.  When they find their perfectionism or inability to live without external events happening beyond their control, they do not cope.  A crisis results as the attachment to living from a fixed and stable place is found not to be grounded in reality or within that person’s control.

Crisis is always a call for change.  Crisis is a lack of adaptation to reality and shows we lack a perspective, a tool, a belief, or a way of being in flow with what is.  Our society extols the virtue of perfectionism and complete control of oneself and of others through power, status and resources.  This is Narcissism in one of its guises and is built around a fear that one is not OK for who they are.  In essence we are asked to create a false or contrived, image based self, which has perfectionism, image over substance, and the strivings for the attainment of power as its shaky pillars.

The epidemic of Narcissism and Perfectionism in society has in part some of its roots in the way the affected adult was typically parented as a child.  In the February 2011 Newsletter I wrote about the importance of our baby/infant stage of childhood development.  In particular the focus was on the attachment process between mother and baby/infant, and how this shapes the baby’s social engagement system, and sense of self in the world when it comes to later adult attachments (relationships).

Regardless of what happened during this formative stage of childhood development from birth to just before the age of 2, the child will then evolve and have to navigate another important childhood development stage.  This next stage will also directly shape the later adult personality and body, and also its later adult ability to enter and sustain adult intimate relationships.  There are 2 actual stages which are commonly known as the Narcissistic and the Oedipal stage of childhood development and both are critical stages in the child’s development.

The Narcissistic phase of childhood development is generally considered to occur at about the age of 2 and may go until the age of 3 to 4. This phase is notable for the child developing an ego and sense of “I” and the brain is undergoing enormous changes during these years.

Everyone will note this Narcissistic phase as where the child starts to say with authority “mine!!”, and “me”, and they become egocentric or relate to the whole world as being about them.  In a sense it is all about them in this phase, and this is healthy.  The child must develop a strong sense of self before it can relax that sense of “I” to be less demanding and infallible, and more realising of their truly dependent state.  The child must then become aware of the need for a “we” or social engagement with others as a way of being in life.  The issues of power, control and boundaries are all confronted and resolved in some way during this phase.

The Oedipal phase of childhood is not the same as the Narcissistic phase but comes in the midst of this evolving sense of self for the child, and is a period that lasts in the range of 2 to 5 years of age.  Once the child has an “I” then the child starts to have impulses and desires, feelings and motivations from this new sense of “I”.  The parents as love objects start to take on new constellations in the child’s internal universe and the relationship includes both parents in a primary focus for the first time in a way that reveals some universal base instincts that all humans possess.

Character defences at these 2 stages often result in power, control and perfectionism issues resulting in the later adult person.  Adult Narcissists and Perfectionists can often find their traumas and origins in these years and the dynamics amongst their caretakers.  For an overview of this important phase of childhood you can read our most recent article How Childhood Oedipal Narcissistic Development Affects Later Adult Intimacy and Relationships.

For those of you who live in Perth, you may be interested in attending our related Body Mind Seminar Discussing the Effects of Narcissistic and Oedipal Phase of Childhood taking place April 18.

I am also running a Body Reading Fundamentals Workshop on the weekend of April 30 and May 1.  This important workshop allows you to learn the fundamentals of how to read and so understand another's personality, psychology, defences and approaches to life, relationships and work.  This will allow you to approach another in social and work settings armed with key basic ideas of how to engage with that person rather than activate their defensiveness.

For those of you who feel it is time to let go of control, or to let some part of you psychologically die so you can undergo a rebirth of yourself, the time and energy of Easter is perfect to contact us and make a commitment to yourself to see what needs to fall away and what needs letting go in your life so some new vibrant dimension of self can take root.

Easter Words from Leslee

As I look out from my office in NSW, I notice that the trees are green and lush as they are rejuvenating from the summer heat. Green is the colour of balance, harmony, new growth and unconditional love.

It beckons me to take time out to replenish body, mind, spirit and soul, which is essential, but self care can be for most of us a challenge.

Getting out in nature is one way of taking this care in:

  1. Spending time in the fresh air, consciously breathing deeply and slowly into the belly.
  2. Having a journal to write down all your feelings, like an emotional purge of all your deepest thoughts, shame, doubts, fears and challenges.
  3. Growing flowers that have a fond memory for you or that you love the smell of.
  4. Feeling your bare feet on the grass, connecting with mother earth.
  5. Go hug a tree, a tree has a heart centre and loads of pure energy to share around.
  6. Eat green vegetables in abundance, so good for you and cleansing.

Simple suggestions, but so profound and a way of creating space in our minds and connecting with your body and inner health. No phones, computers, TVs or noise, as the saying goes “ SILENCE IS GOLDEN”.

As Easter approaches I am reminded of letting go of the old self and a birth and transformation of the new.  A profound and deep metamorphosis awaits, from a laden caterpillar to a sleek and beautiful butterfly, fresh and new filled with love and anticipation.

Easter Gift from Leslee

As a celebratory Easter gift, I would like to offer you an opportunity to experience and introductory Core Energetics 1 hr session with myself either in Sydney or the Central Coast at half the normal price, for the month of April. To take advantage of this opportunity please call me on 0407934499 or email mail@lesleehughes.com.au.

Thanks in advance for visiting us online and we look forward to hearing from you.  Please feel free to contact us for more information.  Wishing you and your families all the best for Easter!

Kind Regards,

Richard Boyd

Director, Energetics Institute


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