Common Relationship Issues Brought to Couples Counselling Sessions

Some common issues that couples bring to relationship counselling include effective communication problems, lack of trust, infidelity, financial issues, and issues related to parenting and family dynamics.

Other common issues include differences in personality and lifestyle, sexual issues, and problems related to power and control within the relationship. Additionally, some couples may seek counselling to address issues related to emotional and physical intimacy or to address unresolved conflicts from the past.

In any marriage or long term relationship, unique problems may arise, but there are some common concerns that couples often bring up in relationship and couples counselling. The most common relationship problems include:

1. Difficulty communicating effectively or constant arguing,

2. Difficulty in making decisions as a couple,

3. physical connection and emotional bonding,

4. Infidelity or suspicion of infidelity,

5. negative feelings of jealousy or insecurity within the relationship,

6. Reluctance or uncertainty about committing to the relationship.

Maintaining a committed relationship with a single partner can be challenging. Relationships may experience occasional difficulties or ongoing issues. While every relationship has its own unique set of problems, common relationship problems that couples bring to relationship and couples counselling include:

Arguing all the time

The interdependent nature of romantic relationships – living together, sharing finances, and building a family – can lead to frequent arguments. Because partners are emotionally and practically connected, the actions and words of one can greatly affect the other.

Arguing can be a healthy way to address and resolve differences in thoughts, values, and emotions. However, for many couples, arguments can become unproductive and close off communication.

A common pattern is the demand/withdraw communication style, where one partner makes demands or criticism while the other withdraws or becomes non-responsive. This can lead to escalating conflicts, leaving both partners feeling hurt, frustrated, angry, and unvalued.

During stressful periods, such as heavy workloads, financial struggles, or the arrival of a new baby, minor irritations can easily escalate into major sources of dissatisfaction within a relationship.

Things like leaving out the butter, not cleaning up, or backseat driving can become major points of frustration. However, these minor issues often stem from deeper concerns, such as fears of different values, abandonment, or feeling unheard and misunderstood by our partner. These underlying issues can simmer beneath the surface, ready to erupt into an argument.

When a person’s needs are not met despite their attempts to address them calmly, frustration can build up and lead to arguments. Relationship therapists can help couples learn how to manage and prevent this by teaching improved communication skills, which can greatly enhance satisfaction in the relationship and decrease conflict.

When couples are caught in a repetitive cycle of arguments, it’s important to take steps to reduce the conflict and improve communication. By actively listening to each other, showing respect for each other’s needs and learning to communicate more effectively, couples can create a more peaceful and loving environment in which their relationship can grow and thrive. This will ultimately lead to a more enjoyable experience for both partners.

Lack of Communication Within the Relationship

Arguing, poor communication and bickering are not the only forms of negative communication patterns that can occur in relationships. Some couples struggle with a lack of communication, where one or both partners avoid discussing problems and withdraw from each other emotionally. This can happen when one or both parties in a relationship avoid dealing with issues instead of discussing them.

When communication breaks down, couples may withdraw from each other, creating an emotional distance between them.

This can lead to unresolved issues and a lack of intimacy. Couples in this situation may not argue frequently, but they may feel lonely and disconnected in their relationship. They may report feeling lost and disconnected from their partner.

With the help of a qualified couples counsellor or psychologist, couples can regain lost intimacy and improve communication. Couples therapy can aid couples in communicating effectively and positively, in a way that fosters connection between the partners.

Disagreeing on a Big Decision

 

 

Even in a strong and healthy relationship, couples may struggle to reach a consensus on certain decisions. Some common examples of such decisions include:

• Deciding whether or not to take the step of getting married Deciding whether or not to have a child
• Deciding on a place to call home
• Handling relationship with the in-laws

Many couples who are struggling with a difficult decision, such as those listed above, can benefit from a few sessions with a relationship counsellor. A counsellor can help couples discuss their hopes, doubts, and concerns about a specific decision, and help them find a compromise. This can be an effective way to ensure open and honest communication during the decision-making process and address underlying issues, which can prevent future arguments. Physical Connection and Emotional Bonding Physical connection and emotional bonding are both important components of a healthy relationship. A strong physical connection, including a fulfilling sex life, can greatly enhance the emotional bond between partners and deepen their romantic relationship. Sexual intimacy allows for a deeper level of physical and emotional connection, and can also help to strengthen trust and emotional intimacy. In a relationship, both partners should feel comfortable and satisfied with their sexual intimacy and overall physical connection. A healthy balance of physical and emotional bonding can lead to a stronger, more satisfying romantic relationship.

What to do if there is Infidelity in the Relationship

Infidelity can cause significant damage to a relationship, leaving one partner feeling hurt and betrayed, and the other feeling guilty and angry. It is a common issue that many couples face; research indicates that 20-25% of married couples experience infidelity at some point in their marriage. While it may lead to the end of the relationship in some cases, with the help of a therapist, many couples can work through it and come out stronger and closer.

When couples who have experienced infidelity seek therapy, rebuilding trust is a crucial aspect that needs to be addressed. Couples therapy provides an opportunity to understand how trust has been broken in the relationship and how it can be restored. The therapist will also help to explore the underlying reasons that led to the infidelity. By addressing the root cause of the issues, it’s an important step in the healing and forgiveness process.

Relationship therapy provides a safe and controlled environment for couples to discuss their emotions and feelings that have surfaced as a result of infidelity. Attempting to talk about these feelings at home can often lead to arguments, shut downs, or silence, particularly when both partners are feeling emotionally hurt and angry. In therapy, couples can express their pain, anger, and betrayal without the fear of not being heard or escalating into bigger arguments.

When dealing with infidelity in couples therapy, a question that may arise is whether the relationship can be saved or if it is better to end it. While some couples are able to recover and have a fulfilling relationship after an affair, others may find that it is a symptom of deeper issues that they do not wish to address or fix. In such cases, a couples counselor or psychologist can assist in facilitating a separation and help both parties to end the relationship in a healthy and respectful manner.

Dealing With Jealousy Within a Relationship

Jealousy is a common issue that couples bring up in therapy. While some jealousy can be normal, excessive or persistent jealousy can have negative impacts on the relationship. It can affect the quality, commitment, and satisfaction of a relationship. In severe cases, it can lead to controlling behaviors and even violence.

Jealousy usually stems from feelings of insecurity in the person experiencing it, which can be related to the relationship, their partner, or themselves. These feelings may be valid, as they may be caused by specific actions of the partner. In these cases, couples therapy can provide a space to examine and address the behaviors that are causing the jealousy.

However, in most cases, jealous feelings stem from underlying insecurities within the person experiencing them. In these situations, the person may feel jealous and fearful regardless of their partner’s actions, and the couples counselor may recommend individual counseling to address the root causes of jealousy.

If jealousy continues to be a concern for a couple, a therapist or psychologist can assist the couple in finding ways to support each other and strengthen their bond, thereby promoting feelings of security for both partners in the relationship.

Feelings that my Partner Always has One Foot Out the Door (Commitment Issues)

Commitment issues are a common topic that many couples face. The causes for these issues can vary, but often, commitment issues stem from a fear of change that might occur if a true commitment is made.

In some instances, individuals may fear committing to a relationship because they are content with how things are and do not want to alter anything. Some people may feel overwhelmed by societal expectations of what it means to be a husband or wife, or the expectation to start a family once committed.

In other cases, the reason for reluctance to commit may stem from what someone witnessed in their own family during their upbringing. Individuals who have been through parental divorce are more prone to have uncertainty and reservations about committing to a relationship. This can impact a person’s ability to trust their partner or believe in the longevity of the relationship, making committing difficult.

To address these concerns, a marital and family therapy may explore the individual’s beliefs and past experiences in relationships, including how relationships were viewed and handled within their family of origin and their level of success.

The objective of relationship counseling is to identify if there is a commitment issue or if it is a perception based on assumptions and expectations, either personal or societal. Once the underlying cause is determined, the therapist will work with both partners to address the fears, reservations and unrealistic expectations related to commitment. This may include building trust and security within the relationship, determining core values, or creating strategies to maintain a sense of self and independence within a committed relationship.

On the other hand, in some cases, there may be a genuine issue with commitment and in such cases, relationship counseling may involve making a decision on whether to accept the current situation or determining that the needed form of commitment is essential.

Where do I go to get Relationship Counselling?

The above is a brief overview of some of the common relationship problems that couples discuss in therapy, but there are many other issues that can be addressed in relationship counseling. Would you like to have a happy and healthy relationship? If both you and your partner are experiencing difficulty resolving problems or making decisions in your relationship and simply just want to be on the same page, or if you wish to improve your emotional connection, consulting with a professional may be beneficial. To fix relationship problems or to schedule a consultation with a qualified counsellor, contact Energetics Institute – the Relationship & Marriage Counselling experts.