A relationship counsellor can assist a couple in determining if they should continue their relationship by helping them evaluate their feelings and addressing any issues. They can aid in the decision-making process of whether the relationship is worth saving.
If the outcome is to in fact break up, couples therapists can aid in the process of separating by assisting in the negotiation of important issues such as child custody, division of finances and living arrangements.
A relationship counsellor can help each partner acknowledge the end of the relationship, and provide valuable insights by helping individuals understand the reasons for the split and their role in it. This not only helps emotionally but also sets the stage for future healthy relationships.
Couples often seek relationship counselling to gain perspective from an unbiased third party on whether the relationship has runs its course or if the therapy is a last ditch effort to save it. While it is commonly associated with romantic relationships, counselling can also be beneficial for friendships, work relationships, and family dynamics. Despite different approaches, relationship counsellors and psychologists share fundamental principles in helping couples evaluate their relationships.
Questions that need to be answered in order to make the best choice
A fundamental question that is often asked in couples therapy is whether both parties are willing to work on the relationship. In order for a relationship to improve, both individuals must be committed to spending time and energy together. If only one person is invested in saving the relationship, it is unlikely to succeed. Additionally, it is not possible to force someone to love or want to be with you, no matter how much we may try to persuade them.
Another crucial question that is addressed in relationship counselling is identifying the problems and understanding their underlying causes. Some issues may stem from past hurt and anger, while others may be due to a lack of effective communication. Improving communication skills is a key aspect of improving a relationship. Couples therapy provides a safe space for couples to communicate, listen and feel heard, which can lead to increased satisfaction in the relationship and reduced conflict.
Another essential question that is addressed in relationship counselling is whether you can accept your partner for who they are in the present moment. Often, relationship problems stem from trying to control or change one’s partner.
If you are continuously unhappy with your partner’s behaviour and try to change it, it can lead to feelings of contempt and insecurity in your partner. While it is reasonable to ask for certain changes, a healthy relationship is built on love and acceptance of each other.
A relationship counsellor or therapist may ask what you hope to achieve in therapy. As the session progresses, the underlying issues may become apparent and the counselling can focus on addressing those concerns and finding solutions.
What Happens if You Can’t Find a Way Forward?
If a couple decides that the relationship cannot be saved, a counsellor or therapist can assist in ending the relationship in a healthy and amicable way. The way a relationship ends is just as important as the way it began and can greatly impact one’s ability to heal and move on to new relationships. Ending a long-term romantic relationship is rarely a straightforward process and requires careful consideration.
When children are involved in a relationship, there must be a conversation about how to communicate the separation to them and what responsibilities will be assumed for their care. This may include issues such as time spent with the children, financial arrangements, and agreements for parental responsibilities. This may require the help and expertise of a family therapist.
Financial arrangements and agreements are crucial, especially if there is a significant financial imbalance between the couple. For couples who have been living together for an extended period, agreements may need to be made for financial support after the separation or divorce.
Living arrangements can also be a significant point of conflict and stress for a separating couple. If they were living together, decisions will need to be made about where each person will reside, and if one party will maintain the shared home.
These negotiations will become more complex if there are children involved. It is extremely beneficial for both couples who decide to stay together or separate to seek professional help to minimize relationship conflict and distress, which can have a severe impact on not only the couple but also the children.
Is there Value in a healthy Break-Up?
The way a relationship ends can have a lasting effect on our future relationships, even if we don’t realize it at the time. Reflecting on past breakups can reveal that hurt and pain from those endings can linger for an extended period.
A relationship counsellor or therapist can help couples evaluate what worked and didn’t work in their relationship. Mediated separation and breakup can allow individuals to let go of mistaken beliefs and misconceptions that can linger for years. It could be that the individuals may have believed that if they had just been more supportive, strong, trustworthy and so on, things would have worked out. But in reality, it could be that their needs and desires changed and outgrew each other, or it could be that what they thought was deep love was actually deep lust and the lust faded.
Regardless of the reasons for the breakup, working with a counsellor through the process can help individuals understand the events surrounding the ending of their relationship. This work can be done together in a couples therapy setting or individually with a private therapist or counsellor which will allow each person to be successful in the future in a new relationship setting.
Where to go if the relationship is over?
If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship or want to evaluate its current state, seeking the help of a professional couples counsellor, psychologist or therapist can be beneficial. For further information or to schedule a consultation with a qualified relationship counsellor, contact Energetics Institute Relationship and Licensed Marriage Counsellors in Perth, WA.
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