Couples Therapy When Dating
What makes a great relationship? Couples counselling is traditionally associated with married couples, but there is a growing trend of young, unmarried couples seeking therapy while dating. With a growing awareness and acceptance of mental health, more individuals are recognizing the benefits of couples therapy in their early stages of relationships.
Unmarried couples face similar challenges as married couples, and therapy can help them navigate these difficulties. This is a vital time to determine compatibility and address historical issues, while learning to maintain a healthy relationship.
Unmarried couples may seek counselling for a variety of reasons, including making significant decisions like having children, as well as addressing perceived minor issues like jealousy, commitment disagreements, or conflict resolution.
A New ERA
The statistic that children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce themselves is concerning. We may not want to repeat the same mistakes our previous generations made in their marriages, but our family relationships often serve as a blueprint for how we interact with others and handle conflicts. Our families shape our perceptions of self-worth and how we treat others, and if these perceptions are negative or disempowering, it may be necessary to change the way we relate to others.
We may recognize the need to break away from our parents’ patterns, but may not know how to do so. Relationship skills are learned from our family of origin, and seeking couples therapy early on, even while unmarried, can help prevent repeating the same mistakes. This may involve learning how to handle conflict without damaging the relationship or losing trust, as well as learning how to truly talk and listen to our partner.
Pushing Each Other’s Buttons
In a healthy relationship, partners may push each other’s buttons. We often choose partners with similar qualities, both positive and negative, as our parents. The unconscious mind does not distinguish between past, present, and future and may attempt to heal old wounds in current relationships. This can result in triggering each other’s old wounds. Therapy offers a chance to heal this pain.
Here’s an example of how therapy can help: Jo’s dad left unexpectedly when she was eight, causing her to develop abandonment issues. She had a quick romance with her boyfriend Tim and moved in together after six months. Her abandonment issues were triggered every time he left the house, causing him to feel claustrophobic and frustrated, and her to feel anxious.
It wasn’t until they sought therapy that Tom was able to understand her anxiety and respond differently. Ava saw this new anxiety as an opportunity to work through her old abandonment issues. Early therapy in the relationship helped them to stop triggering each other’s issues and allowed Tom to support Jo’s healing. If you and your partner consistently trigger each other’s issues, it’s worth investigating the root causes, and therapy can assist in your life.
Facing future differences
As a relationship progresses, it’s important to ensure both partners are on the same page regarding important life decisions such as having children, and parenting approaches. Some young couples see early counselling as a way to prevent issues from arising and potentially threatening the relationship.
Teaches Relationship Skills
Couples therapy can serve as an effective means of preventing divorce. In addition to learning valuable relationship skills, having a neutral third-party to provide feedback on interactions and any experiences that may be causing problems in the relationship can prevent negative outcomes in the future. Addressing these issues at the start of the relationship can save both partners from significant pain and hardship in the future. Couples therapy provides a great opportunity to learn the skills of how to relate and communicate effectively.
It Brings Couples Closer Together
Couples therapy offers a constructive space to address differences in a relationship. The knowledge that you have a regular appointment to work through conflicts can reduce tension between sessions.
Being open and vulnerable in therapy can significantly improve intimacy. Additionally, therapy provides an opportunity to discuss sex, which can be difficult for some couples. A therapist can help guide these conversations and take the intimacy in the relationship to new levels. It’s an important step to take in a new relationship, rather than something to fear.
Is couples counselling appropriate for us?
Couples therapy is beneficial for any couple looking to enhance their relationship and plan for a potential future together or as a last ditch effort to “stay together”. It provides a safe and trusting environment for both partners to express their needs and learn effective communication skills. When handled correctly, disagreements can bring couples closer together instead of causing separation.
As a generation of open-minded and forward-thinking individuals, we understand that seeking help when facing problems is not a sign of weakness. A relationship expert can greatly improve relationships. Seeking therapy while dating can help to address past issues and build the good relationship we desire with the person we love.
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