Making the decision to seek help or deal with relationship issues in a relationship is a big step and should be celebrated. It takes a lot of courage to admit that there may be issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. By recognizing the need for help, you are taking an important step towards improving your relationship and creating a more fulfilling and happy future together. Whether it’s through couples counselling, therapy, or other forms of support, seeking help is a sign of strength and a commitment to the health of your relationship. Remember divorce is a choice, it is never too late to work on your relationship and to strive for a better tomorrow.
Admitting the need for outside help to deal with marital issues can be a difficult realization. However, if you have mustered the courage to seek assistance, it’s a commendable decision as it takes a great deal of bravery. ~ Richard Boyd, Director of Energetics Institute
Couples usually turn to counselling when their relationship is in a precarious state and close to falling apart. The first counselling session can be intimidating and filled with mixed expectations, particularly if it’s the couple’s first time seeing a therapist together. It’s not uncommon for couples to wait until they are facing significant difficulties before seeking help, but with the right support, these challenges can be overcome.
As a seasoned couples therapist with a wealth of experience helping to revive relationships across the nation, I am passionate about clarifying the benefits of couples therapy. In this article, I will outline five ways that couples therapy can help to revitalize a struggling relationship. Throughout this article, I will refer to “couples therapy” but this information applies to all forms of relationships.
5 Effective Strategies for Reviving a Troubled Marriage through Marriage Counselling
-
Bringing Out All Issues and Addressing Unspoken Matters
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” ~ Anais Nin
Marriage counselling offers a secure environment for you to express yourself and share your perspective without fear of being silenced by your spouse. An effective marriage counsellor should have strict guidelines in place, prohibiting any interruptions while one person is speaking.
In marriage counselling, you have the opportunity to voice all of your emotions and concerns about the relationship and share your thoughts on what needs to change for improvement. This can be a challenging and emotional experience, akin to removing a bandage, but it is often a cathartic process. Many couples find that the first session, where they are able to speak uninterrupted without interruption, challenge, or criticism, is a powerful therapeutic experience.
In marriage counselling, it’s important to address any unspoken or sensitive topics, especially when it comes to infidelity in any form, including online infidelity. It is crucial that any lingering issues are dealt with before a path toward resolution can be established. Marriage counseling provides a safe and productive environment to have these difficult conversations and work towards resolving them.
-
Digging Deeper: Uncovering Issues and Setting Goals in Marriage Counselling
The root cause of problems in a relationship goes beyond scattered work clothes or unwashed dishes. Marriage counselling can help you uncover deeper issues. In a thriving relationship, minor annoyances are not perceived as a declaration of conflict. You don’t mind if your partner occasionally overlooks some routine tasks. But when contempt creeps into your perspective and you dismiss the positive, these small incidents can become a source of major frustration and anger that has accumulated over time.
Therefore, in marriage counselling, our goal is to delve beneath the surface and uncover the underlying issues. We strive to uncover the emotions behind the expressed complaints and delve deeper. For instance, a delayed response to a text message may seem harmless to the recipient, but it may trigger a barrage of feelings such as rejection, and feeling unloved, in the sender.
It is crucial to establish the objectives of your counselling during the initial sessions. This will help you determine if you are making progress towards your desired outcome. In my experience, improving communication is the primary goal for all couples seeking counselling, and there are many effective tools and strategies available to achieve this.
-
Improve Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills in Marriage
While we might appear to be listening by nodding and making eye contact, we are often preoccupied with crafting a defensive response, filled with reasons why our spouse is wrong. The Imago Dialogue prevents this by requiring us to listen, reflect, mirror, validate, and empathize. As previously mentioned, it is the underlying emotions and feelings causing distress, and this technique helps uncover and communicate those to your partner.
Each marriage counsellor has their preferred tools and methods, but in my experience, the Imago Dialogue is the most straightforward and effective tool available. Couples who incorporate this approach into their lives often experience significant improvements in a relatively short period.
It’s worth noting that many men may struggle with expressing their emotions and feelings effectively.
It is common for men to have difficulty opening up in conversation and may retreat from arguments. This can result in withdrawing from talking, whether it be through phone use, spending time in the shed, or gaming. Telling them to simply “open up or else” is not a effective solution and may lead to further withdrawal. As a counsellor, I employ various techniques to encourage men (or anyone struggling with this issue) to feel safe opening up, and help them understand the positive outcomes that can come from being vulnerable and taking risks.
-
Helping you find your way back to each other
It’s important to remember that there was a time in your relationship when you didn’t have these problems. During the early stages of marriage counselling, it’s crucial to focus on a shared memory of when you both had positive feelings towards each other, including love, excitement, and affection. This helps to serve as an anchor and remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, there is an abundance of excitement, hope, and the rush of chemicals in the brain. This is the magic of falling in love, where the anticipation of a future with a new person creates a delightful feeling.
Even though it’s not possible to recreate the honeymoon phase, it is possible to rediscover the love and affection you had for each other. Through marriage counselling, you can work towards building a stronger relationship based on mutual trust, respect, honesty, and effective talking. This foundation can provide a stable base for a long-lasting relationship, and counselling can guide you towards finding your way back to each other.
-
Revitalizing Your Marriage or Relationship with Purposeful Action
“I’m tired of this routine, it’s not what I signed up for. We never have fun like we used to.” I have a lollipop jar in my office and every time I hear this statement, I add a lollipop to it. It’s overflowing.
Having a clear purpose and direction in life is crucial in ensuring a fulfilling and satisfying experience. This holds true for relationships as well. Our focus is on identifying your ideal life and working backwards from there to create a shared vision for your relationship. By setting common goals, it becomes easier to stay motivated and on track towards a fulfilling future together. For instance, having a timeline for paying off your home, determining the number of children you want to have and when, identifying your dream location for living, planning your career after taking time off for children, establishing savings goals, and planning your future vacations. Having a clear plan and direction will help you achieve your goals more effectively than wandering aimlessly.
Couples therapy, particularly pre-marital counselling, provides the ideal opportunity to establish a roadmap and ensure that both partners are working towards the same shared goals for the future. Please reach out to us as your Couples Counselling Perth team, we are here to help.
Article Citations
Couple Counselling: A Practical Guide by Martin Payne Published June 19 2012
Relationship Education and Counselling by Cathryn Hunter, Joanne Commerford Published July 2015
Author:admin
