How to Build a Strong Relationship: 14 Keys to Prevent a Relationship Breakdown

How to Build a Strong Relationship: 14 Keys to Prevent a Relationship Breakdown

The course of true love often doesn’t run smoothly, but that doesn’t mean you and your partner are without hope. You have invested time, energy, and hopes in a relationship. You don’t want to throw away the relationship or let it become a source of bitterness, jealousy, anger, and isolation. So let’s discuss How to Build a Strong Relationship with these 14 Keys to Prevent a Relationship Breakdown.

Having a robust emotional and mental toolkit can make the difference between a working relationship that grows stronger despite setbacks and an unstable relationship that is fraught with conflict and spiralling toward a breakup. Even though couples counselling may be required, with these 14 tips, you can take steps to restore balance to your relationship and address the parts that aren’t working yet productively and constructively.

#1: Keep Lines of Communication Open

One of the surest signs that a relationship is at risk of breaking down is a persistent failure to communicate. We all have times when we can’t express ourselves well or need to disengage from an argument to clear our heads. Stonewalling or shutting out your partner, or being shut out, can destroy a relationship.

To put it simply, partners can’t be in a relationship if they can’t relate to each other, and you can’t relate without verbal and non-verbal communication. Communication is so vital to relationships that the next 13 tips all involve communication in some way.

If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, consider the reasons why:

• Do you fear being misunderstood?
• Do you think your words will be used against you later?
• Do you have trouble finding the right words?
• Is what you’re saying at odds with what you believe or feel?

If you feel you are being shut out, what could have caused that?

• Is your partner afraid of hurting you?
• Does your partner want to avoid a fight?
• Is your partner frustrated?
• Are you missing attempts by your partner to communicate?
• Is there something your partner wants to keep secret?

The answer to these questions might not be clear right now. Still, by reflecting on the positive aspects of your relationship, you and your partner can work toward establishing constructive and open communication channels, avoiding or de-escalating fights, finding common ground, and restoring emotional connections.

#2: Find Ways to Establish Trust

Trust is a gateway to honest communication. Without communication, partners lose sight of one another’s thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. The lack of communication gives rise to misunderstanding, and misunderstanding breeds mistrust.

It is usually easier to maintain trust than to regain it once after a breach of trust or betrayal. Partners in healthy relationships should nurture mutual trust through openness, honesty, and believing that each partner has the other’s best interests at heart. This can be easier in some relationships than others, depending on each partner’s background.

Once you lose trust, you must rebuild honest communication and reconcile with your partner. This can take time, and one partner cannot force the other to trust out of a sense of obligation. Each partner must decide that they can find it within themselves to trust and move forward if the relationship is to rebuild on a healthy foundation.

#3: Learn from the Past Without Dwelling on the Past

One reason people lose a connection with their partners is that something in their past holds them back. This could be something negative or the unwillingness to move on after a loss. For example,

• They feel a lingering attraction to someone else.
• They cannot forgive their partner for an old transgression.
• They focus on winning old arguments, so they don’t hear what their partner is saying now.
• They can’t open up to their current partner because an ex has hurt them.
• They avoid topics that have caused problems in the past even when the present offers new solutions

All of us learn from our pasts. To succeed in relationships, you have to examine what you have learned, question whether it works for you, and be willing to discard grudges, memories, habits, and fears that hold you back. That doesn’t mean you have to forget them entirely, just that you can’t let them box you in or set the course.

Read – Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship

#4: Don’t Let Worry Overtake Optimism

Just as the past can poison a relationship, worry over the future can be just as harmful. Think of worry as an alarm. When used properly, it can wake you up and prepare you to deal with problems. Now imagine that alarm bell going off 24 hours a day. It’s not quite so helpful, is it?

To face the future constructively, you need to know how to convert worry into action, turn the alarm bells off, and move forward. The solution is not to avoid worry but to understand it and its consequences. By using worry effectively without being consumed by it, you will be able to face the future with confidence.

It helps to also learn how to support your partner when they face anxiety without minimizing the emotions they feel. If a need to “fix” a partner makes it hard to relate to them, resist the impulse to take away their worries until you understand them.

#5: Reflect on Your Emotions

So many fights and impulsive decisions in relationships result from in-the-moment emotional reactions. When you experience fear, anger, jealousy, or any other potentially harmful emotion, do you jump right to action, or do you give yourself time to think?

When emotions are painful, you may feel an impulse to defend yourself. You might lash out in response to perceived insults. The slow, thoughtful processes in your mind can see the “big picture” instead of responding to simple triggers.

Reflecting on emotions doesn’t mean that you can’t express them in assertive ways. It means considering the consequences before you allow yourself to act. When you reflect on your emotions, think about win-win responses that help you and your partner.

Has something your partner said made you jealous? Think about how that jealousy comes from caring about them and how fortunate you are that they chose you instead of the competition.

Do you resent criticism from your partner? Consider that your partner could be expressing concern or being honest with you about an unmet need.

#6: Express Your Emotions in a Healthy Way

As you think about your emotions, consider new ways to respond to them. How can you make your partner aware of your emotions without your partner feeling as if they are responsible or under attack?

Instead of using phrases like “you make me…”, say “when I’m in this situation, I feel….” This makes it easier for your partner to acknowledge your feelings.

By the same token, when your partner feels fear, worry, or pain, act out of concern for them and consider how your actions can reduce their negative emotions. By discussing feelings in this way, you are both on the same side in working through your emotions and working together to find a shared path to happiness.

#7: Be Honest About What You Both Need in a Relationship

Our negative emotions often arise from unmet needs. Throughout your life, you have likely encountered ridicule, criticism, or abandonment when you express your needs. As a result, many people learn to twist them into responses that others find acceptable.

When you are in a relationship, it can be hard to be open and honest for fear that your partner will hurt you.

• You might resort to manipulation to obtain things you are ashamed to ask for openly.
• You might suffer in silence for fear of displeasing your partner and never get what you want.
• You might dominate your partner because the prospect of being told “no” is intolerable.

Being honest in a relationship means that you are honest about what you want, and your partner is honest about what they need as well.

Perhaps the worst fear is that your partner will hear your needs and decide to walk away from the relationship. Ask yourself why the need is so important to you and why your partner would reject you rather than meet that need. Partners can be more understanding than we give them credit for, and if they aren’t, isn’t it better to know sooner rather than later?

#8: Find Ways to Compromise

We are often afraid to discuss our needs or validate the needs of a partner because it seems like a competition over whose needs are most valid. Be flexible in how you meet your needs, and be willing to accept compromise. If your partner sets limits or boundaries, consider how this could reflect their own needs or fears, rather than an attempt to punish or constrain you.

When your partner takes the risk of admitting that they need something from you, avoid dismissing or judging their needs. Try to accommodate them without losing sight of your boundaries and comfort level.

Couples therapy is a safe, neutral place to express your needs, listen to your partner’s needs, and find compromises that work for both of you. With a trained therapist in the room to mediate the discussion, partners can communicate in a calm, productive way.

#9: Take the Time to Do Things Together

Relationships sometimes falter because partners live essentially separate lives. The circumstances that brought them together in the first place no longer keep them together, so they no longer need to communicate or connect. This situation can continue for years before the relationship fades away or crumbles.

Make an effort to get to know your partner’s interests and share in them at least some of the time. This will make it easier for you and your partner to relate to each other and share in the joys and struggles of daily life.

Being honest about your interests is the first step toward finding shared interests with your partner. You could try an exercise out with your partner to brainstorm things you’d like to do together. Write a classified ad that reflects your wish list for a partner. Have your partner do the same and exchange them. Focus on the similarities and shared interests.

#10: Be Willing to Accept that You Have Different Interests

Partners don’t have to do everything together. If each partner in a relationship does not feel comfortable developing their interests, they could feel frustrated and resentful. They might feel reluctant to express their interests for fear they won’t be shared. One partner’s expectation that they share in everything their partner does might feel controlling.

#11: Discover Healthy Ways to Relate to Family

Relationships with other family members often influence romantic relationships and not always in healthy ways. For example:

• You might be motivated to “save” your partner from their family.
• Your in-laws might dislike you, or your parents might dislike your partner.
• Traumatic experiences with parents or siblings might trigger emotions in your relationship.
• The need to care for a stepchild, sibling, or parent could put a strain on your relationship.

Getting along with family can be challenging. You and your partner might need exceptional empathy, flexibility, and commitment to deal with challenging or even toxic family dynamics. In cases where family issues have become relationship issues, family therapy can be helpful in addition to individual and couples therapy.

#12: Consider the Physical Foundations of Mental Health

Not every problem with thoughts, feelings, and behaviour is strictly a mental issue. Physical health influences mental health in many ways, including:

• Nutrition
• Sleep, or lack thereof
• Chemical imbalances in the brain
• Hormonal changes (menopause, diabetes, thyroid conditions, etc.)
• Physical effects of drugs and alcohol
• Physiological effects of addiction
• Environmental toxins
• Physical disorders of the brain (stroke, cancer, Alzheimer’s, etc.)

Good health maintenance, preventative health care, and screening for physical illness are important parts of maintaining good mental health.

If you or your partner are developing uncontrollable behavioural, emotional, or mood changes, consider physical as well as mental causes. Psychiatric and neurological treatment might be needed in conjunction with counselling and therapy.

#13: Remember Why You Entered the Relationship

If you are struggling to re-establish an open and passionate connection with your partner, think back to how it all began. Were you passionate about your partner when you were first dating? Did you settle into a relationship because your friends were all getting married? Did your relationship change after having children, suffering a traumatic life event, or experiencing changes in income or lifestyle?

By taking time to remember what attracted you to your partner, you can rekindle the early romantic days of the relationship and avoid a relationship breakdown.

#14: Be Willing to Break Out of Old Patterns

As you try these tips, you might find that you are interacting with your partner in new ways. Be willing to break away from established patterns and try something new. If you’ve always said “no” to your partner about something, try saying “yes.”

If you ever feel yourself thinking, “here we go again,” at the start of a fight, try a new approach to lead the discussion in a more positive direction.