What Is the Most Common Problem Addressed in Couples Therapy?

When people ask what is the most common problem addressed in couples therapy, qualified practitioners across relationship counselling, marital therapy, and family therapy point to poor communication as the pattern that most often brings one or both partners into the room. It shows up as criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt, then gets amplified by everyday triggers like financial difficulties, parenting tension, chores, device use, in-laws, and mismatched expectations about time, sex, or privacy.

This article explains why communication styles matter so much, how emotionally focused therapy and other evidence-based methods fix relationship problems, and what you can do this week to improve communication, restore emotional connection, and build a happy and healthy relationship. For a quick research snapshot on methods and outcomes, see Is couples therapy evidence based?

What issue comes up most in couples therapy?

Communication problems are the most common issue couples bring to therapy. Under stress, many couples drift into four predictable moves that damage emotional intimacy and trust:

• Criticism: global judgments like “you always” or “you never,” which create negative feelings and defensiveness.
• Defensiveness: counterattacks and justifications that block repair.
• Stonewalling: shutting down, changing the topic, or leaving the room without a plan to return.
• Contempt: eye rolling, sarcasm, or score keeping that signals disrespect.

The most common triggers are money, sex, chores, parenting issues and parenting styles, tensions with extended family, and device use that steals attention from the romantic relationship. The reason these problems last is simple: weak repair habits and avoidance. When partners do not return to a topic with a plan, unresolved conflicts harden into relationship challenges, and emotional distance grows. If you are weighing the practical side while you plan sessions, couples counselling in Perth.

What issues can couples therapy help with?

Couples therapy supports far more than fights about dishes. It addresses:

• Communication issues and relationship conflict
• Trust injuries and jealousy
• Sexual difficulties and mismatched desire
• Parenting and step family routines
• Financial difficulties and role clarity
• Mental health concerns that affect the relationship, including anxiety disorders and substance abuse
• Major life changes such as relocation, illness, job loss, or caring for family

The work suits dating, de facto, and married couples at any stage. If you are comparing approaches for your situation, see What type of counselling is best for couples?

What are the signs that a couple needs therapy?

Key signs that therapy would help include:

• You replay the same fight every week about the same point.
• You walk on eggshells or avoid topics to keep the peace.
• Repairs take days, or never feel complete.
• Touch and sexual intimacy have dropped without an honest conversation.
• Worry about the future rises, and relationship satisfaction falls.
• One or both partners feels alone in the relationship.

Early action is an important factor because patterns are easier to shift before they harden. Most couples make faster progress when they act before a crisis. For outcome concerns, see What percentage of couples stay together after therapy.

How do therapists find the root problem in a relationship?

Therapists map the interaction cycle and test small changes to see what shifts. The first block of work usually includes:

• Intake: history, strengths, flashpoints, and past experiences that shape reactions.
• Goals: two to five outcomes you both support, like “halve argument length in four weeks.”
• Cycle map: what each person does when stressed, and what keeps the loop going.
• Brief measures: track conflict frequency, repair time, and closeness.
• Safety and consent: plan for sensitive topics and a clear pause and return protocol.

For a fuller walkthrough of the first weeks, read How does marriage counselling work?

Can therapy fix communication problems in a relationship?

Yes. Structured skills change how you speak, listen, and repair. Effective plans include:

• Fair request scripts: “I feel overloaded when the kitchen stays messy. Could we spend 15 minutes after dinner tonight to clear benches and stack the dishwasher.”
• Time outs: pause before escalation, set a return time, and keep the promise.
• Rapid repair steps: name the impact, own your part, and make one specific next step.
• Weekly check ins: ten minutes to review agreements, appreciations, and one improvement.

When used weekly, these tools create a supportive environment that builds shared meaning and a more fulfilling relationship.

What are red flags in relationships that need counselling?

Escalation, contempt, control, secrecy, and withdrawal are strong red flags. Add safety concerns, domestic violence, and tight financial control to the list. If risk is present, start with stabilisation and specialist support. The right sequence might be short individual therapy or case management first, then joint work when it is safe.

Is fighting normal in a healthy relationship?

Yes. Conflict is normal in marital relationships and long term partnerships when handled with respect and repair. The aim is short fights, quick repair, and zero insults. Plan simple rules for fair conflict that both you and your partner can use under pressure:

• One person speaks at a time.
• Pause if voices rise.
• Return at an agreed time to finish.
• No name calling or threats.
• Finish with one appreciation and one next step.

What are common causes of relationship breakdown?

Poor communication, unrealistic expectations, and unrepaired hurts drive many breakdowns. Competing values, major life stress, mental health issues, substance abuse, and unequal effort add pressure. Long avoidant periods are costly because they turn solvable problems into “proof” that the other partner does not care.

For personal work that supports couples change, see What does psychotherapy do?

Can couples counselling help with intimacy issues?

Yes. Therapy improves emotional safety and sets practical intimacy agreements. The sequence matters:

1. Reduce resentment and over load first.
2. Rebuild small moments of emotional bonding.
3. Add pressure free connection rituals that fit real life.
4. Create a flexible intimacy plan that respects energy, privacy, and consent.

When underlying issues like pain, trauma, medication effects, or timetable clashes are addressed, sex life usually improves alongside daily cooperation.

Do all couples go to therapy for the same reasons?

No. Themes repeat, but people and goals differ. One pair might want fewer escalations, another might want to plan for a new baby, and a third may be deciding whether to separate. The plan adapts method and pace to your stage so you can overcome challenges and protect the positive aspects of the bond.

Can therapy help if only one person is committed to change?

Yes. One partner can shift boundaries and de escalation, which changes the cycle. Try this invitation: “I have started sessions to improve how I communicate. Would you join me for two trial sessions to see if it helps us.” If access or distance is a barrier, consider Online counselling. Even when only one partner attends, improved regulation and clear requests often reduce conflict and help the other partner feel safer to engage.

How does therapy address communication problems in couples?

Therapy teaches clear requests, reflective listening, and fast repair steps. You will replace blame with behaviour requests, track one topic per session, and schedule weekly check ins with set questions. Over time, these practices reduce relationship distress and increase relationship satisfaction.

What therapy methods resolve conflict in relationships?

Practitioners often blend methods based on assessment, not labels:

• Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): repairs attachment injuries and pursuer withdrawer loops by naming softer emotions and needs.
• Gottman style tools: map the friendship system, build fondness and admiration, and practise specific repair steps.
• CBT: challenges thought traps and stories that fuel conflict, and teaches problem solving routines. If you want a CBT primer, see What is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

Can couples therapy help with trust issues or jealousy?

Yes. The plan sets transparency rules, rebuilds trust through staged repair, and clarifies boundaries with consequences everyone understands. Trust grows when words and actions match over time.

Is therapy effective for couples who argue constantly?

Yes, if sessions are regular and homework is done. Some high conflict pairs start with extended 80 to 90 minute appointments to stabilise. Once arousal drops, weekly skills stick and you can shorten sessions again. If budgeting is part of your planning, review couples counselling cost in Perth.

Can couples counselling save a relationship after cheating?

Many couples stabilise with a phased protocol and clear safety agreements. The phases are impact, meaning, and rebuilding, with verified transparency and boundaries at each step.

For the structure, read Does marriage counselling work for infidelity?

How do therapists handle mismatched libidos or intimacy concerns?

They reduce resentment, improve communication, and build a flexible intimacy plan. Start with emotional safety and pressure free connection rituals. Add practical scheduling and rule out medical contributors with your GP when needed.

Can therapy help with parenting disagreements?

Yes. Therapy sets shared roles, routines, and conflict free channels. You will align rules and consequences, and use adult time outs to model calm.

How long does it take to resolve common issues in couples therapy?

Many couples notice change within 3 to 6 sessions and consolidate gains by 6 to 12. Maintenance check ins every 4 to 8 weeks protect progress and prevent drift. Small, specific actions beat vague promises.

Is therapy helpful for long distance relationships?

Yes. Telehealth plus weekly rituals keeps momentum. Plan an agenda, protect time zones, and use shared calendars for connection, chores, and finances. Agree on a short message to request de escalation when texting gets hot.

For access details, see Online counselling

Can couples therapy work for emotionally unavailable partners?

It can improve insight and boundaries, but motivation matters. Set clear goals, review commitment early, and agree on what will count as progress.

Practical tools to fix relationship problems this month

1. Ten minute weekly check in

• What went well
• What was hard
• One fair request for the coming week
• One appreciation

2. Repair script
   “When X happened, I felt Y. My part was Z. I want to do A next time. Right now I will do B.”
3. Time out protocol

• Call a pause when voices rise.
• Return in 30 to 60 minutes.
• Start with the smallest solvable piece.
• End with one appreciation.

4. Intimacy micro rituals

• Two minutes of eye contact after work.
• Devices off during dinner.
• Sunday planning for chores and childcare.
• Low pressure physical connection that you both choose.

These small routines create a supportive environment where honest communication feels safer and progress is visible.

Choosing the right couples therapist

• Specific training: Emotionally focused, Gottman, CBT, or integrative, plus supervised practice.
• Assessment led plan: intake, goals, cycle map, and review at sessions three and six. For the early roadmap, see How does marriage counselling work?
• Communication skills focus: insists on scripts, check ins, and written agreements.
• Values and safety: aligns with your preferences and sets clear boundaries.
• Fit: you feel respected, and both you and your partner can speak freely.

If trust, betrayal, or high conflict are central, ask how the therapist sequences individual and joint work to protect safety and momentum. If you are unsure which professional you need, compare pathways in What is the difference between a psychologist and a psychotherapist.

When mental health is part of the picture

Many relationship problems involve mental health issues. A sound plan:

• Coordinates with individual therapy for trauma, anxiety, or mood. Consider Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for personal symptom support.
• Clarifies privacy so individual work supports the couple.
• Uses written routines that reduce load on the more stressed partner.
• Screens for substance abuse and creates relapse plans where needed.

When risk is present, stabilise first. Therapy can proceed once safety is established.

Frequently asked questions

Can relationship counselling fix commitment issues

It can clarify values, fears, and underlying issues. Counselling cannot force commitment, but it can help partners make informed choices and reduce mixed signals.

What if we disagree about marriage or timelines

Therapy can surface deeper issues and unrealistic expectations. The goal is to reach a decision that relationship outweigh short term discomfort, whether that means recommitment, a slower pace, or a respectful separation plan.

Will counselling improve our mental health too

When couples reduce conflict and increase cooperation, well being tends to improve, although formal treatment for disorders still belongs in individual therapy or psychiatry.

What if my partner will not come

Start anyway. One person can shift the pattern with better regulation, clear requests, and consistent boundaries. Many couples struggle to start together; progress by one partner often invites the other partner to join.

Booking and next steps

• If communication and trust are your main targets, ask for a therapist who teaches repair skills and sets measurable goals.
• For betrayal recovery, enquire about a phased protocol with transparency rules.
• If distance or schedules are tight, ask about secure telehealth and your weekly ritual plan.
• To make an enquiry, Contact Energetics Institute

Conclusion

If you are wondering what is the most common problem addressed in couples therapy, the answer is clear: poor communication. The good news is that communication is teachable. With an assessment led plan, emotionally focused therapy or integrative methods, and simple weekly habits, couples can replace negative feelings and poor communication with communication skills, fair requests, and fast repairs. As you practise, emotional connection strengthens, family process stabilises, and everyday cooperation gets easier.

Not all couples want the same future, and not all stories resolve the same way, but most couples who seek professional help, attend regularly, and follow through on small actions see positive movement toward a healthy relationship and a more fulfilling relationship. If you are budgeting for the first block, review how much couples counselling costs in Perth, then book a time that suits.